|
|
DOOL Discussion Group
I'm so sad. I love my husband dearly, but our relationship has been taking a nosedive and it's nearing crash-time.
He started a real estate career a few years ago, part-time at first, then full-time. I work 7-5 Mon-Fri. He's mostly nights and weekends, of course.
I miss our free-time together. It's constantly interrupted by phone calls. He tries so hard to make time for us. I should be grateful, but I know that it's borrowed time and that he's dying to pick up that darn blackberry and check his messages -email and phone.
He knows I hate this line of work. I hate the cut-throat stories, the aggrevation of ads gone wrong - all of it. It's non-stop aggrevation. I have a fresh persepctive on agents. They earn every last dime - and I don't want to be married to one.. He loves it and lives for it, except he's not making any money - just putting it out. And blowing through our retirement fund doing it. He's hellbent to make it work and considers it a personal failure if it doesn't - even though very few agents in Jersey are doing well right now.
I hate going home to look at the back of his head on the computer or to watch him stare at his blackberry.
He's such a wonderful man. He's a wonderful "changing" man. Changing into a person I can't stand. And I don't think he likes me very much either. The unsupportive nag.
I used to think it was because he didn't make money - but honestly, I'm afraid he might start. It's not the money.
I'm so sad. Thanks for letting me vent....
Nicky
Here's what I think.
Clean the bathroom so it looks purty and smells nice. Send the kids (if you have them) to the baby sitter's.
During a time that he is not normally obsessing about his blackberry, draw a warm bath for your husband and put some candles in there. Pour a glass of wine for both of you. Lead him to the bathroom. Take his clothes off and force him into the tub. No, not to drown him.
Pamper him. Wash his back, and his legs and anywhere else the mood strikes you. Make him feel special. Kiss the back of his neck. Rub his earlobes. Sit on the toilet seat and stick your feet in the tub so he can touch and admire your legs. Talk to him! Tell him that you miss him and that you don't want to be a nagging wife but you need his help to figure out a balance point between work and family. Tell him you feel like a real estate widow. Remind him that he is important to you. Work with him to find a middle ground that is acceptable to both of you.
It may be something as simple as him turning off the blackberry and the computer between certain hours each day. You CAN find a compromise that will satisfy both of you. Good luck.
Actually, my secret weapon in these kinds of situations is the foot lotion from the Body Shop. I give PB a foot massage and he is much more open to compromise than he is when he is feeling under pressure. It works great for us, but don't tell him.
Replies: (list all replies)
If you are unable to get him to discuss the problems in your marriage with you, then some outside assistance is needed.
Even if you begin with the "I need your help" approach to open up dialog. I have seen marriages start out just fine, then one of the partners becomes more independent than that partner had been. The other partner begins to feel less and less important and pushed aside. Without communication to get this out into the open, the one who changed is oblivious as to the feelings of the other, or how strained the relationship has become.
You can get through this if you and your husband honestly love each other enough and are willing to have a meeting of the minds. For now, you need to make an appointment with that "real estate agent" and discuss just how a family can live at peace, love and harmony in a house with a "leaky roof".
You may want to try counseling because it sounds to me that his obsession with his career has turned into the "other woman". I hope that it can be worked out for you. In my case I moved on and in my case it was for the best. I wish you luck because a good marriage is always worth attempting to save.
I wish I had some good advice for you, but just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear your going through all this. One of my good friend's boyfriend is a real estate agent and they are on the verge of breaking up due to some of the same issues you're describing.
It's really, really easy to lose ''us'' as we find what ''I'' want. It's amazing to think that love needs work...but it does.
Go to a counselor. That's how you'll both find out how much is left. Bet there's a lot there...
Replies: (list all replies)
Replies: (list all replies)
Replies: (list all replies)