Topic Posted by: Goin' anon 4 this 1
Date Posted: Sun Apr 27 18:54:50 2008
Additional Comments:
If you figure out who this is, please don't use my name. Read no further if you exprienced child abuse or anything like that because this subject might upset you!!!
Many years back when I was about 8 years old, my parents hung with this couple who had a son who was 13. In lots of ways I looked up to him like a big brother. He was defiantely a leader and me being a shy little girl, I never told on him for all the odd things he did. Many times he would get me alone and he would do things like try and put his hands down my pants. I'm not going to go into detail here, but to say that I fought him because I knew it wasn't right and I was afraid. Actually, I had no idea about sex since my parents never explained that stuff to me and at that age, had no sexual desires that I can recall. In other words, I wasn't sexually teasing him. Anyway, when I would scream, he would try and stiffle me and if his parents heard us in the back hallway and call his name, he would quickly get up and say - "What? I'm not doing anything" He was rough, at times, quite rough with me, and really tried to force me into giving him a "feel"(or whatever he was after). This was back in the late 60's. Did any of you experience this type of thing with a boy? What I'm trying to find out is, how common is this behavior?
I had 2 cousins who molested me from the time I was about 6 or 7 years old (It may be earlier then that, but that's as far back as I can remember) until I was about 13. One cousin is a year older and the other is 3 years older. I believe the older cousin was the ring leader and the younger just went along with it. Although it happened a lot more with the younger one as the older one lived where I didn't see him much... mostly in the summer and holidays. It's a lot more common then people want to believe unfortunately.
Posted by: Romy Date posted: Mon Apr 28 19:24:18 2008
Message: I remember there was a boy that I went to school with from 1st to 5th grade and he always used to try to put his hand up my skirt. I am talking...every single day and he did it to a lot of the girls, not just me. He would also pull his penis out in the coat room and chase us with it hanging out of his pants. I finally told my older sister and she was at the school the next day, causing such a ruckus that I am pretty sure it is still remembered all these years later. In 9th grade I was already in geometry and there were a lot of older kids in there, there was one that used to grab my butt all the time and try to feel my underwear. He was big man on campus and I guess I was supposed to feel honored that he paid attention to a freshman. Pfth. He did it one day near the end of the year and I turned around and hit him so hard in the face with my math book that he fell out of his chair. Guess who was punished for it? Yep, me. Luckily, my sister who raised me was/is a hell cat and refused to let me take the blame for that one. I graduated from high school in 1991 and looking back now I cannot believe how much sexual harassment was just a normal thing that was usually swept under the rug.
I remember in 7th grade constantly having my butt grabbed, being felt up...it happened alot on the bus. As you walked down the bus to the back, you felt hands all over you. There was also a time that my friend and I went swimming at a local beach...some guys from school came and pretty much dragged us out into deeper water where they proceeded to untie our suits under water and grab us. We laughed it off back then, but in all honesty, it was a little scary.
We never did anything about it, but, OMG, thinking back, geez, I hope my kids don't ever experience anything like it.
Posted by: ingyandbert Date posted: Mon Apr 28 15:23:50 2008
Message: With small children, I think it's not uncommon for the ''show me your's and I'll show you mine'' thing to occur. It's innocent curiosity. However, actual touching among older children is a whole different thing. It should not happen but unfortunately we all know it does.
I have had similar situations too. I just didn't talk about it. 'boys just being boys'. Ya right!
One particular situation, I was in jr hs. I was sprouting quite well. The boys thought that was so fun. This boy thought he could grope me when he felt like it. I would get so embarrassed & PO'd. I would have to laugh it off or I would have gotten in trouble too. One day we were in band class. We both played trumpet & he sat next to me and wouldn't quit touching me. I complained to the teacher. She told us to just behave. I had enough. I was holding a metal mute (goes in the end of a trumpet). I whacked him in the head with it, hard. He started bawling like a baby. Well, the teacher sent us both to the principals office. I got in trouble too. One detention each. How fair is that? I didn't care. I felt better. He never touched me again after that. Ha!
Posted by: AngD Date posted: Mon Apr 28 11:00:55 2008
Message: I had a cousin who showed me his penis a couple of times. I just laughed at the time. I still have contact with that cousin and he is a normal person, has a wife and kids, yada yada yada. If I ever found out someone showed their penis to my penis, I'd have a cow. The fact that I still remember everything about it, 30 years later, tells me that it was not right - but my life is normal other than that.
I was born in the 1960s, too. Back then there was literally NO talk about this, so I don't think a lot of kids knew they were crossing the line of appropriate behavior to innappropriate.
There was a neighbor boy (I was friends with his sister, he was 2 years older than us), who used to ask me to take off my pants and underwear so he could "see." I never did. One day, I guess he thought I was just shy, he pulled HIS pants down to show me first (I didn't ask him to). I remember bursting out giggling, and he ran off. That was the last time. I think I was about 6, he was about 8 or so. I honestly think this was harmless, I highly doubt he is a sex offender now.
And if I had told anyone I would have gotten spanked with a belt or a fly swatter for being "nasty".
When I was six, a boy, (who did nothing improper with me), changed his clothes while I was in the room with him...leaving his under wear on, and I got beaten so badly I had bruises and welts for days.
No way I would have told that a couple of boys actually showed me the privates.
Times have changed a lot since the mid 60s. Thank heaven!
Posted by: trkdrvrsqueen Date posted: Mon Apr 28 8:32:11 2008
Message: More common than any of us might like to think.....and back then (50's/60's) it was rarely talked about let alone discussed in anyway. Denial was bullet proof....and perverts had a field day. IMO!
Posted by: Bonk5 Date posted: Mon Apr 28 3:48:50 2008
Message: WE women have struggled so long with these issues. It might of been harder, I think it was back when some of us grew up, in the 50's, 60's, 70's. We girls were not allowed to be strong or talk back or stand up for ourselves. The boys we knew would get away with things, even if it was bullying, and boys being mean to us. The boys for a long time were taught they are the boss, stronger then us, smarter then us. So many of them did do mean stuff. *oh I am not doing anything, just playing* they would say. But really they were mean.
I had a cousin, nothing sexual but in the pool almost drown us playing around. My mom saw that and yelled at him. *oh he is just playing around* the men would say. My sister and told him years later, he was mean and bullyied us. He did not remember but said if he did he was sorry. We get along fine now.
I had mean boys bully my in school and say nasty things and I did not have the strength or know how to stand up for myself. That is one thing I taught my daughter right away was to say NO and tell if some one is mean. To stand up and be strong!
I think back then people did not talk about things like that. There were whispers about about certain relatives distance or married to someone, not blood who were odd they would say. I think now days that meant stuff like you said. Or making kids sit on their laps longer then usual, just weird things.
I wonder anon, why you are thinking of all that now, did something happen to remind you? Did you forget then remembered something happened. But answer to your question NO it is not normal. I think the meanness, bullying like I said happened a lot back then. Maybe now also, but I think not so much nowdays. At least we talk about it.
Is this person still doing things nowdays or just when a kid? or do you know?
Posted by: Another anon Date posted: Sun Apr 27 20:59:22 2008
Message:
Yes, when I was about that age, my older cousin was like that. I'm not sure he was exactly that forceful, but he was very persistant and I never wanted to make him mad. I know it is stupid of me to feel this way now, but back then I didn't want to make him mad because he was being "nice" to me. When he was in front of our other cousins, he was always mean to me, so when he was "nice" to me, I liked it and didn't want to upset him. So, even though I didn't like what he was doing, I allowed it.
I don't believe I've been permanently damaged, and I don't hold any bad feelings towards this cousin now. He grew up to be a very responsible, loving husband. (he's not a dad, but not for lack of trying, his wife has had 4 miscarriages) Anyway, he is a very decent man, I believe his curiosities got the best of him as a kid....and I do believe that he would have stopped if I told him to.
