DOOL Discussion Group

Topic: If you have a son around age 6 to 9, please come in and help me

This is one of those backasswards things that I have to do, that other parents think is weird and unnecessary.

I always wanted kids who didn't follow trends. Boy, did I ever get them! LOL  Because of the boys' autism, they don't notice or care what anyone else does/thinks/likes.  Fine by me.

But, I have been warned by many, many different informed sources that because they are already so different, it is my job to help them "fit in" as much as possible on the surface, to minimize how different they are.  So my dream of artistic, unique kids who defy the trends have gone up in flames.... because now I have to sleuth out the trends and guide them into them.  LMAO

So last year, getting ready for kindergarten, I had to buy William a backpack.  After much wrangling with his communication issues, I got it out of him that he wanted a Blue's Clues backpack.   I searched all over town and couldn't find one.  Finally I found one on ebay.  It looked dark blue.  When it came, it was purple and had "Blue's Clues" written on it in blue glitter.  It's a little bit girly.  But he loved it, and it came the day before school started, so I didn't have time to get another one.  I figured kindergarten boys aren't going to notice that anyway.  He carried it happily all year.

However.... I am sensitive enough to know that he's getting to the age (first grade now) when boys start thinking girls are icky.  Girly stuff is icky.  And unfortunately, we live in a world where quite a few first graders have some notion that a boy carrying a girl's backpack is "weird" and "gay", even though they probably have no idea what they're really saying.  But yeah.... I've heard boys that age talk, and I'm thinking it's not cool for William to keep carrying that backpack.  He's getting to that age.  Only he has no idea, so I've got to step in here and guide him.

Yeah.  It's just a backpack. But trust me, he's different enough already.  I do NOT want him teased for carrying a girl's backpack! Even if it's a remote possibility.  Remember there are older kids at the school, too.

So.... here's what I need help with.  What's "cool" with boys in that age group right now?  He was looking at a Toys R Us ad that has a Cars (you know, the Pixar movie) backpack in it.  He seems to like the Cars backpack. 

So if you have a son that age, could you please ask him if Cars is still cool?  Or is it babyish, or "so last year", or what?  I could just get him a plain one, if that's cooler, but kids that age still like character stuff don't they?

And while we're at it, I have to buy school clothes, too.  I'm thinking the little Gymboree outfits with matching underwear and socks is not going to cut it.  LOL  Find out if there's any kind of trends that boys are liking nowadays.  I'm thinking this is not such a big deal since boys aren't usually into clothes that much anyway, but go ahead and ask.  Maybe there's some certain shirt that is "cool" or whatever.

Don't think I'm a nut.  I know this is a weird request.  It's just one of those things I do to help him fit in.... even though I was previously opposed to fitting in.  Life is just funny like that.

Thanks in advance.  I look forward to getting my little fashion sleuths' opinions.

Hi Emmy,  I have twin boys who are 14 but also have twin nephews who are 7 yrs old.  I know my nephews want to have some things my big guys have.  Skate shoes and shirts.  Definitely no Cars backpack. But they still where Spiderman/Batman shirts. They also like the light up sneakers. I think if you throw in what they like and some trendy things you will let them keep their individual personalities but also 'fit' in to the mainstream.   

If you are going the skater clothes route.  Etiennes, Globe, DC, Zoo York etc are in.  Vans are no longer in where I am. I go to Marshalls or TJmax and they are so much cheaper.

I can feel your pain about being saddened by making your kids go trendy.  One of my kids was alittle different.  I tried to let him shine but when he came home in tears because he was made fun of, we made some adjustments.  Now at 14, he thinks being picked on made him stronger and does not think he could be talked into doing stupid things he didn't want to. No peer pressure for him.

Good Luck!

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Cool idea! He might like designing his own, and I'd rather get one that will last a long time. Thanks. Plus, putting his name on it would be nice, too. Less chance of it getting lost or stolen! Cool! eom emmy

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Posted by: ML
Date posted: Sat Jul 12 10:57:14 2008
Message:

I have 2 cents for you, too...

Kids will pick on anything. There are mean little suckers who just look for an occasion to put down someone...

That being said, you have two options. Getting him anything he wants, with the chance that it'll be a target, or going with plain stuff. Personally, I like plain stuff. It lasts from year to year (with any luck at all), and it allows  a certain amount of individualism with stickers (how I hate them) or patches and stuff like that.

Honestly, emmy...you can spend a fortune on ''cool'' stuff. Just let him be the best kid he can be who's true to himself. Can't ask for more than that...

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I always screw up links, but go to Lands End.com. They have tons of ''plain' backpacks, but they have tons of colors,lots different pockets for holding things, you can get them monogramed for like 5 extra bucks, plus you can purchase matching lunchboxes. I got my kids pacpacks from here when they were younger and they were very sturdy and good quality.---Wendy

Well, I know what you mean. There are mean kids who will pick on anything. Problem is, I don't want to be ASKING for it. And carrying a girl's backpack is asking for it. I really feel it's best for him to fit in as much as possible on the surface. I can't do much about his speech, other than what I am already doing, but it will be bad if he acts ''weird'' on TOP of looking ''weird''. eom emmy

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Posted by: Sheila
Date posted: Sat Jul 12 10:12:42 2008
Message:

Hi emmy I am a lurker, but would like to answer your post I have two 6 year twins and a 9 year old boy...and NO WAY would any of them let me buy CARS backpacks or clothes...lol!  The 6 year old likes Spiderman/Batman/anything with hockey or basketball logos/clothes. 

I wouldn't buy anything with Deigo or Cars or more of the babyish cartoon characters...classics are a great choice to go, and you certainly can't go wrong with sports team clothes or Nascar racing logos....

take it from some one who knows...oh and mine love baseball hats, and running shoes..Skechers and basketball shoes are faves.

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Thanks.... I think I'm going to try and steer him toward a plain backpack, if Cars is ''babyish''. Because I want him to use it a few years. He doesn't do any of the big boy stuff yet, like Batman and all that, so he'd probably say no to that since he doesn't have a clue what it is. I'm just trying to make sure I don't dress him ''dorky'' or anything, since he doesn't follow trends and can't tell me if he gets teased. Thanks for your input. eom emmy

emmy, Ibeing CLUELESS about autism, I want to ask WHY your boy can't tell you about the teasing? I don't understand because I am totally uninformed. If this is too personal or something you'd prefer not to answer, I totally understand. Also if this is offensive, I apologize. I am just being curious, I promise. Educate me, if you will. Also, I recommend that you steer away from the backpacks with wheels (like luggage)...it sounded like a great idea to us, but it was heavy and more trouble than it was worth for my son, He's grown now, so I can't comment on the cool things! Good luck shopping. ~AV~

Thanks for the advice on the wheels. I was thinking the same thing; they look bulky and troublesome. As for your question, no it is certainly not intrusive! I like when people ask questions because it really is a hard thing to understand. Well, the shortest answer I can give you here, is that he can't tell me about teasing because he can't really tell me much at all. He has a serious speech delay. He has learned some ''programmed'' speech, so that he can say ''I want _____'', hello, goodbye, and things like that. Everyday stuff. But when it comes to anything abstract, he can't put the words together to tell me. He doesn't come home from school and say ''Today we went on a field trip'' or ''Today we had a class party''. If I ask ''what did you do today?'' he can't reply. He will repeat the question over and over or just go silent. In his mind, he can repeat things he's memorized, like stuff I've taught him, but he can't put his own thoughts into words. So in this case, he would not be able to tell me, ''Billy said I was a big baby and pushed me down'' or whatever. The only way I will know if he's getting teased, is if a teacher notices it, or he will let me know something is wrong at school by crying when I drop him off and not wanting to go. So far we have not had that problem, but as he gets older I know he will be a target. And I can't send money with him to school, for things like book fairs (even though he's a good reader and loves books) or lunch money or whatever, because another kid could take it and he can't come up with the words to tell his teacher or me. Basically, I know nothing of what goes on at school unless I talk to his teacher. His life away from me is a complete mystery. eom emmy

Interesting. Thank you for sharing. /~AV~

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Posted by: LISA K
Date posted: Sat Jul 12 7:08:26 2008
Message:

I always went with the classics

I did that because the packs would go from year to year instead of being out of date or something they are not into the  next year.

Same thing with clothes. I very very rarely bought anything with characters or writing on it. A few things like sports team shirts would happen once in a while. I always go with Basic Pocket t shirts, or polo shirts and basic Jeans and shorts.

Now that they are older they have more defined tastes. Jack has become kind of preppy/counrty club with board shorts and polos and James likes that look too. Tommy is still in the basic stuff.

I also did thta because the clothes and backpacks could be passed down through the boys and nothing looked out of style or dated.

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I do that with clothes.... Cameron always gets William's clothes and shoes. They have their own backpacks, since they're both in school. Cameron's is basic, but it's boyish. I know when Stella gets to school she is going to want everything girly! I am trying not to let her see all the Kung Fu Panda stuff that's out right now, because she has been obssessed with pandas since she was one! I tend to not like the character stuff very much. But when the boys get stuck on something, they will not let it go. I was so glad William started liking Cars stuff, because at least it was different from Teletubbies, Thomas, etc. I KNOW he can't take a Teletubbies backpack to first grade, but he would!!! He still sleeps with his tubbies. :) eom emmy

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Posted by: gabby
Date posted: Sat Jul 12 0:03:51 2008
Message:

I would do CARS. If he likes it, then that is what I would go with. Most 9 yr olds would think CARS is babyish. But he is only 6.  His definition of babyish and a 9 yr olds definition of babyish are probably two seperate things. What may be "big boy" to him might be babyish for a 9 yr old. I know several little K-1st grade boys who LOVE CARS. 

If not CARS maybe Scooby Doo?                                

 

 

 

 

 

                   

 

 

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You said exactly what I said below Gabby (re: the difference between 6 and 9 year olds) I'd go with cars too. ~~misspm

Thanks.... I know he is going to want Cars when we go to the store. I guess if there are other first graders who like Cars, it would be okay. I kinda would like it to last a few years, though. But he's not into the older stuff yet. eom emmy

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Posted by: Summer
Date posted: Fri Jul 11 22:31:47 2008
Message:

Hey Emmy, I've come out of lurkdom to respond.  My son Daniel is 9 so I asked him what is cool now.  He said Indiana Jones, Spiderman, Batman.  He said he would not carry a Cars backpack if it was up to him.  He also likes skate shoes like sketchers.  He also likes wearing a baseball cap.

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Now that you temporarily stepped out of lurkdom, I hope you post again and we get to know you better........................Sparky (always looking for ways to earn more dues money)

Thanks..... I wonder if it's okay at age 6, though? I wish I could get him to say ''okay'' to a plain backpack. But when he gets somthing stuck in his head, like last year with the Blue's Clues backpack, I just have to find it for him. He rarely asks for anything, so when he does I know it's important to him. Thanks for the input.... he doesn't care at all what he wears, so maybe I'll get him a Spiderman/Batman t-shirt or something. I'm trying to get other boys to talk to him more, so I'm thinking they might say ''cool shirt'' or whatever. He mostly plays with girls right now because they want to ''take care'' of him. He's getting babied a bit too much IMO. eom emmy

I also wanted to add that I also got both my boy's backpacks from landsend. They last for several years, you can put his name on it, and they really don't go out of style.

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Posted by: ingyandbert
Date posted: Fri Jul 11 21:24:27 2008
Message:
I would think anything overtly masculine (Transformers, etc.)would pass the muster of William's male peers.  And, of course, anything with a sports team logo.  I don't know what the Alabama teams are called but that would always be a safe bet.

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Oh yeah, and I'm in the heart of Tide-land. Only thing is, if William doesn't like it, he won't carry it.... So I have to generate interest in something first. He has a ''narrow range of interests''. Imagine that - it's straight out of the DSM-IV. LOL eom emmy

Roll tide!!! -Jennifer

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Posted by: misspm
Date posted: Fri Jul 11 21:20:11 2008
Message:

TRANSFORMERS are pretty popular this year:

As is SPEED RACER

  

 

DIEGO

 

 

CARS is still popular

 

INDIANA JONES is making a big entrance this year:

 

Camouflage is also very popular...ALL of the back packs are available at Target

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Out of all those, he likes Cars best. So it's still popular? I personally like the camo ones at Target. It matches a lot of his clothes, since I buy him a lot of green and brown. I guess I need to just take him shopping and let him pick. Boy, was that a circus last year! We drove to every store in town and he turned down a million backpacks! Maybe I'll look at them online.... he seems to get that. eom emmy

Yes, Cars is still popular enough to be perfectly safe with Williams group (first graders). There is still a big difference between the choices a first or second grader will make, compared to those of a third or fourth grader -so you are still safe with CARS if that's what he likes. ~~misspm

I would pass on the Cars....if you must go with something at least go with the popular ones this year, Transformers or Ironman backpacks. (Sheila)

LOL! hey Shiela ..how did my name get there! hah! ...Speed racer is a good one! eom -Nicki

Crap..... he doesn't even know what the others are. So he'll get all confused if I buy him that instead of what he likes. I might have to suck it up, buy the stupid Cars backpack, and then buy a different one next year. Ugh. Well, he can hand it down to Cameron maybe. eom emmy

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Posted by: Paulsmom
Date posted: Fri Jul 11 21:10:31 2008
Message:

Ok, from one to another:

PAUL LOVES CARS.  He has a Cars lunchbox and he's NINE. He has Cars stuff all over the place, mixed in with his trains. Of course, if you're not careful, CARS will morph and then you'll be buying Dale Jr. cr@p.

 

So what if CARS is ''babyish?'' If he likes it, then make him happy.

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Oh, this is good. So Paul hasn't said anything about anyone teasing him over his Cars lunchbox? Kids can be so mean. I remember when I was growing up, character lunchboxes went ''out'' and you only carried a plain brown bag if you wanted to be cool. LOL But then in high school I said forget that crap, I'm carrying my strawberry shortcake lunchbox again because I LIKE IT. LOL But then it was cool to be dorky, so it was okay. If Paul hasn't been teased, then I'm thinking William would be okay. LMAO about it morphing in Nascar stuff.... William loves to watch Nascar races on TV. He jumps up and down in front of the TV laughing his head off. Mostly I think it is a visual stim for him, with all the cars racing by really fast. eom emmy

There ya go - get him a Dale Jr. lunchbox - #88. He was #8 and it was Budweiser but now it's 88 and not Budweiser, LOL. if he likes that. Cars is fine. Paul wouldn't know if he was teased though - that's part of the problem! eom/pm

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Posted by: Nicki
Date posted: Fri Jul 11 21:04:06 2008
Message:

Hey emmy....I have a 9 year old who pretty much follows all the trends! He is here beside me...I am asking his opinion....

for backpacks, he says Cars is kinda babyish...he likes TransformersStar Wars/Spiderman/teckdecks/Nascar/anything skateboarding or Hockey brands or stuff like Nike or Adidas.

For clothes, he loves skateboarding clothes/t-shirts/ bigger sweatshirts/ sweatpants..anything Nike/Adidas/hockey logos.....skateboarding shorts/ skechers shoes...just to give you an idea. 

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Okay, thanks! I might do a plain backpack..... The Star Wars, Transformers, Spiderman etc stuff, he's not into that yet. And if he doesn't like it, he wont' have anything to do with it. Great suggestions on clothes. I have seen T-shirts with skateboarding logos and stuff like that on them. For his next pair of shoes, I'll consider the sketchers. I usually get New Balance; are those still okay? eom emmy

Those are great too Emmy! good luck with the shopping. eom -Nicki

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