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DOOL Discussion Group
My conversation with The Daughter was hilarious. She was going on and on about ''the old man'' and how he obviously wants to get together with someone younger to keep his blood flowing. He wants to move this relationship along...The Daughter says, ''Of course he does, because he doesn't have that much time left.'' The Daughter thinks that the mom is pimping off her daughter...I have to agree.
I dunno...I don't see 42 and 21. If you said 51 and 30, I'd say yeah. If you said 48 and 27, I'd say OK. But 21 is just so young...especially when there really aren't any stars in her eyes...more like dollar signs...
Commentary?
I see 21 year old girls with 42 year old men out here all the time...$$$$$$$$$$$$$ is often (not always) the attraction. I grew up with a neighbor whose mother was actually looking for such a set-up for her 19 year old daughter. She wanted her to be wealthy and pampered, was her reasoning.
I just don't see what they have in common, but I have seen the relationships work-even when the younger woman married for money. Somehow the dynamic works for both parties. I guess it's just a matter of personal taste and attraction.
I was approached by a few wealthy men in their 40's and 50's when I was that age, but was never interested. I was actually APPALLED. It was always an "EWWW" factor for me, since my dad was in his 40's when I was in my 20's. I STILL won't go out with anyone my father's age (EWWWW).
I have to say that I am a bit startled to learn that at 42 a person hasn't much time left (LOL!) I had no idea. ;-)
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People get married for many reasons and love is only one of them. Money is definitely another. And then there are all sorts of reasons in between. If the girl is doing this of her own free will and wants to marry the man, then I guess that’s what she wants. I've no issue with it. They’re each bringing something to the table that the other one values…her youth vs his money. 21 is old enough to make your own decisions and your own mistakes (if it turns out to be one).
But it sounds like she might be getting coerced. In which case, I don't understand why a mother would want to put her child through that. I don't agree with it. I see it happen quite a lot...kids struggling to do what they want vs what their parents want. If I'm going to make a mistake in this life, it better be as a result of my OWN decision than someone else's.
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What kind of mom is that?? Well my brothers first wife, mother practially pimped her daughter to my son. The age diff was about 8 years. The mother met my son at the country Western bar she owned. She found out my brother had a good job. She had a 22 year old daughter. she introduced them, pushed them together. My brother just turned 30 and thought he should be married. 3 months later, they went to Tahoe and got married. We had never met her!! (until he came by and said, guess what I just go married~~we were in shock!!!)))
Her mother was so happy. The Ex was so immature, she had a good guy there, but started to go out on him. The did have a child together. 2 years later they divorced. Until his son turn 18, nothing but grief, trouble from that ex and her family. She could of made a go of it, but wanted to have fun. She told us, her mother, pushed her to go out with my brother, bc it would be a good thing, since he had a good job, money saved, etc.
Brothers life was messed up for awhile had to raise son by himself for some time.
Your daughter is smart and would not do anything dumb like that. The friends mom, is so stupid and wrong. She has no faith in her daughter, to go to school, get a job and prepare her own future.
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First of all I'm LOL at 42 being "old". Sigh...
Secondly, I'd advise "the old guy" to have a really good Pre-Nup in place before this moves along any further.
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I think what you describe, ML, is a long, time-honored custom among the "upper" classes, i.e. mothers taking their daughters around Europe, hoping to match them with "eligible" wealthy bachelors.
A hundred years ago authors wrote about it, Edith Wharton's Age of Innocence and Henry James' Daisy Miller. John Singer Sargent painted them, e.g. Madame 'X'. The character Young Rose in TITANIC was just such a young woman.
Of course there were the reverse of these relationships, like heiress Consuelo Vanderbilt. Her mother, Alva, thought it would be nice to bring a title into the family so she virtually forced her daughter into marriage with the Duke of Marlborough.
So, if anything, the practice of mothers marrying off their daughters in "socially advantageous" marriages ---along with divorce --- has filtered down to the "lower" classes.
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I guess the mother subscribes to that old saying "its just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man"
I can see her wanting to look out for her daughters future, but marrying her off the highest bidder is rather tawdry.
Why not encourage your daughter to be self suffcient and seek a good career where you can earn you own money and not be dependent on a man?
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ANY 21 Year-Old (guy or gal) is still a BAAAAAABY lol!!!
No 2 Ways Bout it.
- chris
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