Sue, Check into a internet monitoring software http://www.safecomputerkids.com/ .  We did use them for our kids.  They KNEW I snooped and they knew I knew how to find history they tried to hide.  That's just part of the privilege of having a computer and/or getting to use the internet.  These programs run in the background and most of the time the kids don't even know they are there.  With these programs you can go in and find out what the kids are doing online (whether they delete them or not)..  I didn't check often but the kids never knew when I was going to check.  If I did, and there was something I didn't think they should be saying, I would confront them.  Yeah, they would be upset that I snooped, but I'd discuss it with them. 

 

Just chatting, cussing, etc, I'd just let that go.  We used to pass NOTES when I was in school and so that 'outsiders' wouldn't know what we were talking about, we talked in a code that we made up.  People had 'NICKNAMES'.  We never signed out REAL names, we would use names that not all that different than screen names.  As for the CONSTANT COMMUNICATION, I remember sitting for HOURS on the phone, often not saying anything.  And I know that even when we were together, we'd say things that our parents never knew about.  And realistically, I doubt that anything they are saying when they are texting, IMing, etc.. is not all that different than stuff they would say in person anyway. 

 

My suggestion is tell your daughter you snooped, let her know that you check up on her.  Limit her texting (there are ways to do that with most cell phone companies as well).  If she knows you are checking on her and if she even thinks you might be monitoring her, she may delete emails for a while but she'll get tired of deleting or forget.   (especially if you do get one of the net monitoring programs). 

 

Oh, I'm rambling a bit.  I hope you understand what I'm getting at.  Don't feel bad for snooping, it's your JOB.  But unless her emails/texts/IMs are dangerous in some way, just let it go.